a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
