apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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