I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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