oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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