Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
