yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
