part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
