Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
