Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
