I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
