I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
