Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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