i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
