so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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