Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
