I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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