So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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