If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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