wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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