Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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