bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
