hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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