so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
