i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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