also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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