Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
