We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
