i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
