pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
