Christians are straight up FREAKS
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
