I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
