There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
