so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
