Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
