My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
