Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
