Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
COCAINE IS GR8
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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