She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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