RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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