Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
