i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
