I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
