I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
