so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
