And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
