I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Floor bacon is actually really good
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
