Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
