weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
