you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
