Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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