my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
