WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
