Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
