my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have post one night stand depression
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