So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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