when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
