Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
